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Grammar Mistakes The Make Your Argument Invalid; Part Two

Clearly, the internet has learned nothing. And actually, neither have I, because despite knowing that doing so will wildly frustrate and enrage me, I continue to read the comments. I know, I know. I'm a glutton for punishment. But h o n e s t l y. I cannot help it. Those capable of presenting an argument that is cohesive and well put are interesting to hear from; don't mistake me, I am capable of listening to opinions that differ from my own. But, if they are not well articulated, and rife with errors, it is proof that the author is at best unreliable, and at worst illiterate.

Now, before we dive into part two, make sure familiarize yourself with part one. In it, I roundhouse kick bad grammar in the face, highlighting such common mistakes as mixing up you're & your, the conundrum that is "alot" (which, spoiler alert is not a word), unnecessary apostrophes, etc. It became clear after that post, that a part two is in order. Y'all have a lot (see what I did there?) to say about this topic, as well as many pet peeves. Birds of feather, as they say! We also covered their/there/they're but the lesson did not stick because I found this comment this week:
Double whammy! Maybe ask a dirty Democrat next time?

A poll in the Triple M Facebook Group yielded some great results and it is clear that I have found my people. So shout to all of you, the real MVPs. In this update, I'll highlight some favorites they came up with, real life comments I've found, and let my nerd flag fly!

Misuse of Homonyms (Homophones and Homographs)

Without getting too far in the weeds, the moral of this story is: words that spelled or pronounced the same but have different meanings & origins. Some common ones:

-Affect/Effect

These babies are constantly messed up. Affect is a verb; Too many grammatical errors will affect my ability to trust you. Effect is a noun; Poor grammar has a negative effect on your stupid argument. 

-Accept/Except

Accept means to receive, approve, make a favorable response to, etc. I accept that you have strong feelings about l i b e r a l s n o w f l a k e s but I don't have to agree with them. Except is to leave out or exclude. I will consider your argument except when it is poorly written. 

-Waist/Waste

Shout out to Elizabeth for this one! If I had a nickel for every time I read "this is a waist of time" I could add a significant chunk to my savings.  What you want to say is waste, as in garbage, trash, misuse etc. A waist is a part to of the body; though mine could use more time to slim down. #quarantine15

-Then/Than

Big thanks to cousin Julie for highlighting this common mix-up. Think of then as time and consequence. And then I bashed my head against the wall in frustration. Then what happened? Take it then, if you want it so badly. Remember back to science class, and writing if/then statements. If this thing happens then (consequence!) this other thing will happen. 

Think of than as a comparison. She is older than him. I'm a bigger nerd than you. Poor grammar, you're better than that! 

There are so many more of these that I could go on and on solely on those. Know/no, threw/through, etc. etc. The point is, spell check will not necessarily grab these, so it's best to know the difference. 

Using the Wrong Word or Phrase

Friends, if you do not know how to spell a word, or what the proper phrase is, maybe Google it? Now, I know some of us have just grown up having learned things the wrong way, and thus, do not know our own error. I understand that. Like, guess what y'all, it is "all of a sudden," not "all the sudden." Another common one: "shouldn't of;" it's actually "shouldn't have".  I can let these slide, because they have become acceptable in current vernacular but I don't have to like it. 

That said, if you are glaringly unfamiliar, prepare to set yourself up for ridicule like this person here, who I witnessed commenting on an article about gyms reopening:

Are you serious, JoAnn?
Peach. Tree. Dishes. I CAN'T. If she wasn't sure of the spelling, perhaps she ought to have Googled "little dish that scientists study mold in" or some shit. Petri is rolling in his grave right now. That's right, it's named for a German dude who studied bacteria. There is a lot to unpack with this comment anyway, the full text reading:

"Gyms are peach tree dishes before Rona. Just adds to the the gross. We are free to go out or not. Just open it up. So we can make decisions." 

She flubbed up the tense in the first part; should be gyms were but okay, I let that slide until I saw the monstrosity that is peach tree dish. How??? And don't say voice text or auto-correct because I tried both and my old Android phone got it right so...

Lack of Proofreading and/or Gibberish

I'm guilty of bleary eyed first-thing-in-the-morning or wee-hours-of-the-night commenting where I didn't have my glasses on and I was groggy or whatnot and made a booboo. But even then, I'm still pretty good. And, if I notice my mistake, I delete or edit. But I try my hardest to proof read in the beginning, particularly when I am trying to make a point. And if I have used voice to text. (It is the year of our Lord 2020, how can that shit not be correct?!). A perfect example of "this made my head spin" commenting:
Come again, sir? What did you mean?

Now, I can see where you were going with that, sir. Maybe "When is this going to be over?" or "Where are we going to be over this?" But you made a mashup that is the stuff of nightmares. And he didn't even spell ovary right! Clearly I took some artistic liberties with the above. But c'mon dude, proofread before you hit that Send button! And sometimes things are so grammatically garbled I find myself  genuinely wondering if the person is physically okay; excuse me ma'am, did you have a stroke?

I'm already contemplating a part three, in which we discuss the proper use of prepositions, Oxford commas, and additional comment fails because the internet is a gift that keeps on giving. For now. I'll be over here rolling my eyes while reading comment threads and praying my face doesn't get stuck that way. Drop your pet peeves (or genuine questions!) in the comments for round three.

Me, perpetually.

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